Tuesday, July 8, 2008

I look at you and I can't disguise you've got - teary eyes

(That set to the Dirty Dancing (was it?) song)

Every week David McMahon (http://david-mcmahon.blogspot.com - I am technologically challenged and don’t know how to link, sorry for that) asks his fellow bloggers a question. I'm new to this game but I'll give it a go. This week he asks what brings tears to your eyes. Well:

- A gorgeous sunset on a crisp winter’s evening
- The sight of Kilimanjaro emerging through the clouds
- Happy children eating ice cream
- Romantic comedies

Lies Lies LIES (except for the last one but for entirely different reasons than you may think). I am not a sentimental person. Sentimentality makes my eyes water. Here are the real ones

- My sister eating lemons. My sister has an extra gene, I think, that enables her to eat lemons (skin and all) without flinching. As a child she used to have competitions with all the kids in Maz. Line them all up and have a lemon eating competition. She who does not grimace gets to be pushed around in the wheel-barrow all day long. Or something like that. Of course she would win every time. EVERY time. She still does it today. Eats lemons like that, I’m not sure that she still hold the competitions…

- Tse tse fly bites. Not always but when they bite you JUST in that spot that makes you leap up and slap yourself MUCH harder than you intended. The tse tse of course has long gone, leaving a perfect pretty little bruise, that you have just slapped really really hard

- unscrewing the lid on the marmite jar that husband has closed (with a vice?)

- And sometimes treading on one of those big two-inch white acacia thorns that, if trodden on right, can go all the way up to the hilt. Very aina (sore) and watery-eye-inducing

- Then of course there is laughing. Which I do a lot of, very frequently (at a terribly grating frequency I fear – they used to call me the Fog Horn) Those moments that catch you out unawares and you start laughing in the most inappropriate places. Like ‘corpsing’ on stage. Ay. I’ve not done that in front of a proper audience (yet), but I have during rehearsal (remember that Tam??). For example - just yesterday I was in the local supermarket telling someone a story about the man that trod on my toe in the aeroplane. In that quiet moment when everyone has rushed to get their bags (that really irritates me. Just be bloody patient. There'll still be a queue when you get out the plane) and are waiting for the doors to open. He trod on my sandaled toe with his very large frame and very hard shoes. It really hurt and I grabbed onto his bum and started yelling “ow ow OW” while my husband looked on bemused and embarrassed. The poor bloke (the toe treader that is, not the husband – he’d better get used to being embarrassed by me – he was MORTIFIED). Anyway, I was telling this story to someone in the supermarket and was suddenly rolling in the aisles LAUGHING. The poor deaf man who works in the supermarket looked a little alarmed at my tears until he realised I was laughing, not crying. Ah, I think you had to be there. In the supermarket and on the plane.

7 comments:

tam said...

haha. i remember once late at night in the streets of gtown you laughed so screamingly that a poor brave citizen came outside to rescue you - thought you were being attacked. You were just having a bit of a chuckle. I still like eating lemons but my teeth can't really handle it anymore.

Chimera said...

I LOVE the shop art!!!! I love love love it! Bought tears to my eyes indeed. Strangely my older sister can also eat lemons..not as astoundingly as Tam but with the white teethed finesse of the vicar (her present profession) pikcing the slice out of the gin and tonic. I used to laugh so much I would fart. This is not good if you are trying to be flirty and coy.
Love
T xxx

tam said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Miranda said...

Tam, yes I remember that! I felt so BAD and meant to find his house the next day to say thanks but couldn't remember where his house was, coz I was laughing so hard. Or do you think that was more of booze related amnesia??

Tanvi, yes, farting is another thing I have a very special talent for. And THAT makes my eyes water (and anyone else within a 12 mile radius). Oh, and glad you like the Shop Art - I have PLENTY more of those. Put them in when I'm stuck for words so there'll be more....many more

GoneBackSouth said...

That laugh sounds amazing! Wish I could hear it. I used to know a tse tse fly expert - bizarre choice of career.

Ernest de Cugnac said...

OK, so this is how it's done. Go to the post you are interested in (or the web page, or the profile). At the top of the frame you will see something like http://www.somethingorother.com or whatever. If you click in that the whole line of text should go blue. Now hold down the CTRL key and type C, then let both keys go. That operation will copy the text to a temporary store on your computer called the clipboard.

Return to the thing that you are writing, probably the standard editor in blogger. Type a sentence something like "I can recommend this website for it's humour". Go back to the words 'this website' which won't have the quotes of course. Highlight say those two words, or one of the, it doesn't really matter.

While those words are highlighted click on the button above the editor pane - it is 6 along from the left and looks like a small globe with a link of chain above it. A small window called hyperlink will open. In that window you will see URL and next to it, already highlighted, will be http://. Don't click in there ... all you need to do now is CTRL V which will paste the string you originally copied into that line. Click OK and you are done. You will see that the text you are editing has changed a bit; the words 'this website' will now be a different colour and underlined. There's you link, and anyone who clicks it will be taken to where you want them to go.

Phew. Does that make sense?

Ernest de Cugnac said...

Actually I do know that the possessive "its" does not need the apostrophe. Just a typo!!!!!