Friday, February 19, 2010

The thundery blues and clear skies

I wish I’d taken my camera out with me yesterday. I suppose it’s a good thing coz it means I’ll have to tell you instead of being lazy and uploading a pic (although with the connection we have uploading pictures is no easy feat!). The three pictures I would like to have shared with you:

Picture 1: The mountain, all clad in torn bits of cloud, like lace, looking oh so shy-yet-sexy. A clear sky, save for these clouds, hugging the shape of Ms. Meru.

Picture 2: The road. The river. The river-road. Driving through the horizontal rain to visit my friend C. The road is a torrent of brown hurrying-rushing water, hurtling down the hill. I know there are lots of deep gashes in the road that you mustn’t drive into but have to try and remember where they are since the road is basically a river. It is fierce and most impressive

Picture 3: The egrets. I’ll still get this picture since they’re there every evening. There is one tree at the bottom of the road - not a very big one - that is iced with egrets. Every morning and evening they are there, hundreds of them. I have no idea how they all fit on, and why they don’t just spread out a bit into other trees. But last night they looked so very white against the thundery blue-black sky. Oh so melodramatic.

So night before last I had one of those mini meltdowns. You know the kind. Where you’ve survived seven and a half months on much less sleep than you’d prefer and for most of the day you’re in the company of a little critter who you lovelovelove more than anything, but whose conversational skills are not yet up to scratch but still wants to chat with you all. Day. Long. And you have to try and interpret the shnoffles and coos. Hungry? Tired? Bored? And all you seem to be doing is whizzing food up in a blender or whipping your boob out and Doing the Shopping which is not as easy as it used to be now that you have a squirmy thing attached to you limpet-like that you can’t just put down in a corner while you lug those heavy shopping bags to the car. And suddenly it dawns on you. Oh my god, I’m a housewife.* I’m not cut out for this. I used to, in my tiny way, make a Difference in people’s lives. What happened to the theatre? What happened to the heated debates in the villages? Giving a voice to those who struggle to make themselves heard? What am I doing, spending my days frazzled, exhausted and forgetful freezing baby food?

And yes, I know that I am soverylucky to be able to stay home with our fresh-mealie-scented daughter. That I don’t have to work. That this is the blessed most wonderful thing in the world. But vok it can be hard work!

And so I spent the morning with J, one of my oldest and bestest friends, and the afternoon with C, one of my newest loveliest friends.

And I made some resolutions. Ones that I didn’t make for the new year coz I don’t do that.

I will get Seka up here to perform. It will cost about $6,000 and I will raise that money and get them here. Kick start my brain and creativity. Hopefully it will be the start of something new and fabulous.

I will make a plan to just have an hour to myself a day I’m not sure how yet. Maybe I will have to employ someone to help with this. Let go, Miranda, let go! Then I will be able to go to yoga. To swim. To ride my motorbike. Maybe to work a bit

I will hang out more with my friends. Get out the house. Go Do Stuff.

And of course, the oldest best cure of all. I will go clothes shopping. Mitumba here we come!

Picture window and mirrors

* Some people use the term *housewife* like its such an insult. It should not be!


Janelle said...

is that you with les goggles on?? how? where? wha---? XXX j

Miranda said...

Camera man, CAMERA! In bathroom mirror

Anonymous said...

Is that "the window" I see over there?

Housewife, not an insult - when I was a kid, my Mother was one and she's the best.

SafariB said...

Yay for Seka!

And seriously - you painted those pictures way better than seeing a photo. :)

And yes you are lucky :)

Veriword - inglan - just to remind me I have rocks in my head and currently enduring 48 hours without having seen the sun.

tam said...

ja ja it'll all come so fast and then you'll wish you had some quiet days alone with your daughter again! You so must get them there. So that you can see the new play an all! Sorry I was all self absorbed on the phone and didn't talk about YOUR stuff.
veri is intrain.... yip, that's whats on its way to you...

Angela said...

In July A. is starting to work as judge again. Luckily the kindergarten to which Jojo goes (in the court basement)has founded a tiny kiddies-garten, due to A`s efforts actually), and little C will be going there, wanting or not. By now the babies know they are loved and have had the best start... but the mothers also have a life! You will still be there for baby, but not ALL THE TIME. In fact, research says that this will NOT harm baby, instead make her more independent.
Go work with SEKA again, that`ll be wonderful.

Dumdad said...

Ah, but the time passes so vite. See my latest blogpost - my son is now 16 and yet I remember changing his nappies and feeding him and pushing him around the park when her Royal Frogness was back at work. I also remember that we didn't go out much, certainly not to theatre or cinema. But still. That's the way it is. Enjoy!

Lemon Gloria said...

It is very very hard in the moment! Even if you know you're lucky, even if you know the time passes fast. A friend of mine says "The days are long but the years are short" - and that makes total sense to me. You definitely need some time for you just you.

And clothes shopping cures many ills, that's for sure!

Anonymous said...

Of course you need time for yourself - but I'm sure trying to squeeze that into the day is far from easy. I'll babysit - you can pay me in cake.

Lori ann said...

ah sweetie, you will do all those things, you are smart and know just what it will take for you to feel some balance in your life.

i always tried to remind myself that i was doing a job and a most important one! it's the way it is though, once you have kids, you need time for yourself, but once you do, you want to be with them...
and that's the way it is.
that photo is gorgeous. take care on the roads.
xoxoxox love,lori

Miranda said...

Rob - yes, the window in situ!

SafariB - ah, poor cold Bridget! Rather you than me!

Tam - 'strue it has gone fast already. I better now, thanks. xx

Geli - Good for A. I am very lucky to be in the position I am in, really.

DD - I can't believe 7 months have passed already and I imagine that all of a sudden I'll go WOA! 16 years, how did that happen!

LG - that sounds exactly right, fast years slow days!

Mud - I very rarely make cake. But you prompted me to make one. And it was pretty good, so yes,I'll pay you in cake!!

Lori - dear wise Lori! You're absolutely right. When I do have a moment to myself all I want to do is be back with the gal! Ha, funny old life. And yes, it is a job and a very important and worthy one at that!


Livvy U. said...

I totally empathise with that 'I used to be ought there doing things in the world' feeling - how did I end up like this etc., but it does improve, and those small but all important resolutions you made like having time to yourself are crucial!
I've just happily re-found your blog after 'losing' it for a while..